Question by Andrew T: How do I feel better about myself when I feel invisible, and most ppl have it better than me?
So, I have really high expectations for myself, and I’m not really sure what to do so that I feel better. I’m 23 years old, I live alone with my cat in a small apartment in the suburbs of the twin cities, and I’m gay. I am a personal banker, and have a few years of college behind me, but didn’t finish… I got more focused on work instead.
Here’s the problem. I never feel good about myself. I always feel like I should be working in some big skyscraper, doing something very corporate. Instead, I kinda feel like the low-life of the corporation. Sure, I wear a shirt and tie, and sometimes a suit to work, but I’m not making 40 or 50k a year, I just rent, and I don’t have a nice BMW or Audi like a lot of the other youngsters I see around here have.. I just have an Accord. I’m really at a dead end in my life and I don’t know what to do. School doesn’t seem like an option for me, because I’m working hard, and honestly I don’t know if I’d be any better off if I had a degree- Would I? I know plenty of people my own age that have degrees that have mall retail jobs. So who knows. The other thing is, I’m always told how nice I dress, how good I smell, and how attractive I am, but nobody seems to show any interest in me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, if I’m pushing people away, or if nobody is really interested in me. I walk around sometimes with the feeling of tears welling up in my eyes I’m so lonely and sad, feeling like I’m just at this dead end and this is all its going to be… Sure I have a few friends that I go out for drinks with on the weekends, and my family loves me, but they live in Madison (4 hours away), I moved here because I like the bigger city. How am I supposed to feel good about myself when I feel like I should be doing something much … better? Making more money, living somewhere better, and driving something better. Can anyone please tell me what is typical for a 23 year old to be doing in their life, and if I’m ahead or behind? I really need some help and guidance here because I’m at a really low point in my life. I appreciate it.
Hmm. Honestly, I don’t really care about being “greener” with my vehicle. I already receive my statements paperless, ha. I’m sure a 328i or something would be fine. Better than driving a lawn mower motor Honda. And as far as what makes me happy, it IS success. Upscale areas, expensive cars, designer clothes, status. Right now that’s what I want. And I cant attain it because of money.
Best answer:
Answer by silencebwell
You sound like you are striving for success for all the wrong reasons. We ALL go through ruts in our life. The only remedy is to stay strong and pull yourself out. Do what will make you happy for you, not what you think will make you happy because you are comparable to others. Listen, when I see other young ppl driving BMW’s I think about my honda civic and how much more practical I am than those other people, one because they spent way to much money on a car at such an early age, (that is just not finacially sound), and two because I am doing the earth better for driving a ‘greener’ car. Surround yourself with the things that make you feel good and don’t be afraid of doing what you want. If you do what you really want the success will come. And people will be impressed with you. plain and simple don’t live your life through others eyes. be yourself, people will notice you.
Well that’s why you’re in the situation your in. Think it over.
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Andrew, first of all, how can you say that most people “have it better than you” when you just said that many of your friends have completed college but are working retail jobs at the mall?
You’re in far, far better shape than most other people. Don’t you know that the national unemployment rate is 9.4%? It may not sound like a lot but that figure only includes people who are actually receiving unemployment checks. It doesn’t take into account the people who have dried up their unemployment benefits or who never qualified for unemployment in the first place. Nor does it take into account the people who are scraping by with seasonal/temporary jobs.
You may not have a college degree, but you said you did a “few years” of college, so that must mean you’re very close. You could easily continue working full-time and take some night or weekend classes to finish your degree. What’s the problem?
I think success is (or should be) defined as not how much money you make (or how many stripes you have). Success is breaking into a career field which you love doing. Remember this: throughout your life you will spend more of your waking hours at your job than you will with your own family. That’s why it’s so important to find a job that you love doing. Otherwise you’ll be a miserable person and your friends and family will suffer with you. You indicated that you want a career which will pay you more money – that’s very materialistic and you need to lose that way of thinking.
It’s difficult for me to feel sorry for you. When I was 23, I had just graduated college, and I was working as a security guard and as a temp because I couldn’t find anything full-time. I was still living with my parents, and I didn’t even have a car like you do. And this was 10 years ago when the economy was the exact opposite of what it is now. You may be too young to remember those days, but I certainly do. You wanna talk about “insecure”? I was borderline-suicidal back then.
I’m not sure how much you love or hate doing your current job, and I’m not sure how steady it is in this economy. But it sounds to me like you’re doing just fine for a young man your age. Someone just needs to give you a good whack in the head to snap you out of this funk.
BTW, when I was 23 I lived with a cat too.
Nothing wrong with that.
Comment by 62,040,610 idiots voted for Bush — August 31, 2010 @ 11:33 am
I’ve found that whatever I focus my attention on, it will increase (or it will seem to increase in importance).
You are focusing on the things you don’t have yet. You’ll feel much better about yourself if you focus on what you DO have right now. The rest will come later.
You have it much better than many folks–especially for your age and education. You have a wonderful ambition and that’s what will eventually take you to the top. Patience. Enjoy the here and now. Be truly grateful for what you’ve earned. You’ll be a happier person and happy people are always more successful. Please don’t be so intent on the destination that you miss the journey taking place all around you. If you don’t learn to appreciate what you have now, you won’t really appreciate what you’ll have when you get to that skyscraper–you will always want something different.
Try to balance your goals with an appreciation of life in the present.
Comment by Witchy — August 31, 2010 @ 12:06 pm