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Question by Angelbaby: my Cinderella story commentary please?
ok, some people thought the last story i posted was creepy and/or unrealistic. this is just a story I wrote for my literacy class:
Cinderella was the daughter of a wealthy, powerful man. Her mother had been living with cancer for most of her life, but she soon died. Now, Cinderella loved her mom very much. Her death was tradgic-she could not recover from her loss. She would cry every day, praying for her mother to rejoin her on earth. Her father knew what Cinderella was going through, for he was experiencing much the same thing. He quit his job to spend time with his daughter in her time of need. He bought her a pair of slippers made of silver. Cinderella loved those shoes very much. She wore them all the time, always matching her dresses. Cinderellas dad would always take her out to the town because she was very pretty. he soon entered her in beauty pageants- which she would always win. A few years later, he remarried. Cinderella was against the idea, but she kept that to herself, because she only wanted her father to live a happy life. The woman he wed was a wicked lady, her own daughter, Lilly, was much the same way. They were both ugly and stubborn towards Cinderella out of envy. They envied how pretty she was, while themselves were nothing to compare. They had her do the most hard work like washing the dishes, making dinner, and sweeping the floor, while they laughed and watched the poor girl work. The father was not home most of the time, and he would have had the step mother clean the house and do all Cinderella’s chores. He loved Cinderella more than her step mother and Lilly. Infact, he despised Cinderella’s step sister Lilly.
One day, the step mother went to one of Cinderella’s beauty pageants, wanting to enter her own child. Cinderella’s dad said to her,
“oh, wife! your daughter has absolutely no chance against Cinderella! She is so pretty, talented, and Lilly is none of that.” He walked away with a smirk on his face. Lilly ended up entering the pageant, and loosing, taking last place. Cinderella took first obviously, she was the fairest maiden out of the whole town. Her father realized this, wanting to enter her in bigger pageants so he can share his daughters beauty with the whole world. He wanted her to find the perfect man so she can become wealthy and powerful, just like himself. But one night, while Cinderella’s father was sleeping, the step mother murdered her husband, for he thought Lilly was not better than Cinderella.
“oh, daughter, you are stunning. He was just a jerk. With him out of the picture, you have a chance to wed the prince.” The wicked step mother said to Lilly. Cinderella over-heard this, tears streaming down her face. She wanted to run away to her mothers grave, to join her in heaven. How could her step mother kill her father, when he meant the whole world to her? Also, she had a crush on the prince, but was much too shy to ever admitting to it. This was only a minor problem to Cinderella, because her dad was the single most importiant thing to her. The day after her fathers death, Lilly created such back-breaking work for Cinderella.
“Weed the garden.” She demanded.
“Dust the attic!” She yelled.
“Water the flowers!” She snapped.
“Scrub the bathroom!” She ordered. Cinderella was very exhausted at all this hard work. Her tiny feet were sore because she wore her silver slippers all the time. One day, Lilly noticed her step sisters shoes. Cinderella was dressed with rags for clothes instead of the fine dresses, but they never noticed Cinderella’s shoes. The step mother one day took the silver shoes while Cinderella was sleeping peacefully in her bedroom. She sold them to the banker, realizing how expensive they were. Cinderella, who had her mother and father taken away, realized her most prized possession was gone. The only thing she still loved in this world was gone, and there was nothing she could do about it. One day, while Lilly and the step mother went out, Cinderella went out into her backyard. Upon doing this, she spotted an old withered lady resting by an old oak tree. Cinderella, concered for the lady, ran to her and asked,
“Excuse me, do you need a place to stay?” Cinderella helped the old lady up, leading her towards the house.
“Thank you, young lady. But I wont be staying long.” The old lady replied, walking through the back door. Cinderella, not wanting to be rude, quickly offered her guest a seat. She prepared tea and started the fireplace. The old lady commented on how pretty Cinderella was, and questioned her clothing and bare feet. Cinderella told the old lady her story, pouring out every little detail. The old lady, sipping her tea, stood up after Cinderella was done speaking.
“Cinderella, you are a pure soul. You care so much for other people, even the ones you despise. I will grant you three wishes. Since you most likely
oh god the last part erased….

Best answer:

Answer by Razz
Sorry, way too many Cinderella stories…yours is about the 107th.

This is pretty good writing wise, and since it’s only for English it’s fine.

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