Question by Max: PLEASE HELP ME with an english essay! 10 points best answer?
Book of horror
The fun just began as I, Max Wilson got invited to a birthday party which supposed to be in the old haunted church up at Blantyre. However, that was not to be.
The weather wasn’t the best, that night; it was actually really cold, the kind of cold that sends shivers to the core, and depressing. We almost gave up and thought of possibly staying at home, but we where desperate and wanted the scary experience that we only can get it in the horrific place like, in Blantyre.
It was only five of us, we’ve packed our stuff, which will keep us alive during that night. While I was packing I had an idea of bringing a Ouija board, just for fun. I never really used it before so I’ve decided to use it now. I haven’t told my friends yet; I wanted to make it as a surprise. For a short time.
The time has come. For the first time I saw that church through the window of my car. By the look of it, It looked like a really old building with the growing branches sticking out of the windows. I looked pail, I wasn’t feeling good but I didn’t want to disappoint my friends.
When I’ve arrived I suddenly saw something, it wasn’t anything, it was more like a tall black figure that reminded of my dead mother. I’ve suddenly felt depressed and suicidal after seeing that figure; it brought me fear, weakness and tears slowly dropping from my eyes to my cheekbones.
Then it was gone.
My friends have just arrived with joyful faces and they are ready to start the adventure. I still though it was a bad idea but yet again, I didn’t want to disappoint my friends. As soon we walked towards the gates on the old curve that looked it had been left there without looking after it and at the sides where blown out candles which brought me more fear.
The gate was closed. There was nothing to grab on to climb over it. The only way we went is through the graveyard. My friend, Sean was shivering of fear, I could see his butterflies on his hand, which gave me a clue that I wasn’t the one with the fear issue.
We have found a spot where we can set up our tent. It was beside cremate where it had an only dry area for our camping site. While we set up the tent I showed my Ouija board to my friends, they found it really interesting as they’ve read the stories about it online.
The disaster has started, when my torch stopped working
Book of horror
The fun just began as I, Max Wilson got invited to a birthday party which supposed to be in the old haunted church up at Blantyre. However, that was not to be.
The weather wasn’t the best, that night; it was actually really cold, the kind of cold that sends shivers to the core, and depressing. We almost gave up and thought of possibly staying at home, but we where desperate and wanted the scary experience that we only can get it in the horrific place like, in Blantyre.
It was only five of us, we’ve packed our stuff, which will keep us alive during that night. While I was packing I had an idea of bringing a Ouija board, just for fun. I never really used it before so I’ve decided to use it now. I haven’t told my friends yet; I wanted to make it as a surprise. For a short time.
The time has come. For the first time I saw that church through the window of my car. By the look of it, It looked like a really old building with the growing branches sticking out of the windows. I looked pail, I wasn’t feeling good but I didn’t want to disappoint my friends.
When I’ve arrived I suddenly saw something, it wasn’t anything, it was more like a tall black figure that reminded of my dead mother. I’ve suddenly felt depressed and suicidal after seeing that figure; it brought me fear, weakness and tears slowly dropping from my eyes to my cheekbones.
Then it was gone.
My friends have just arrived with joyful faces and they are ready to start the adventure. I still though it was a bad idea but yet again, I didn’t want to disappoint my friends. As soon we walked towards the gates on the old curve that looked it had been left there without looking after it and at the sides where blown out candles which brought me more fear.
The gate was closed. There was nothing to grab on to climb over it. The only way we went is through the graveyard. My friend, Sean was shivering of fear, I could see his butterflies on his hand, which gave me a clue that I wasn’t the one with the fear issue.
We have found a spot where we can set up our tent. It was beside cremate where it had an only dry area for our camping site. While we set up the tent, I showed my Ouija board to my friends, they found it really interesting as they’ve read the stories about it online.
Sorry for double post
Best answer:
Answer by Miss
Too long to help out.Sorry.
Give your answer to this question below!
“The fun began when I, Max Wilson, was invited to a birthday party which was going to be in the old haunted church up at Blantyre. However, that was not to be.
The weather wasn’t the best that night; it was really cold; the kind of cold that sends shivers to the core, and depressing. We almost gave up and thought of staying at home, but we were very keen to have the scary experience that we could only get at a horrific place like Blantyre.
There were only five of us. We packed our stuff, which would sustain us during that night. While I was packing, I had the idea of bringing an Ouija board, just for fun. I had never really used it before, so I decided I would use it now. I hadn’t told my friends yet; I wanted it to be a surprise. For a short time.
The time came. For the first time I saw that church through my car window. It looked like a really old building with branches growing out of the windows. I looked pale [how do you know?], and I wasn’t feeling good, but I didn’t want to disappoint my friends.
When I arrived I suddenly saw something. It wasn’t anything [anything what?], it was more like a tall black figure that reminded of my late mother. I suddenly felt depressed and suicidal [one or the other, not both -- tautology] after seeing that figure; it brought me fear and weakness, and tears slowly dropped from my eyes to my cheekbones.
Then it was gone.
My friends had just arrived with joyful faces, ready to start the adventure. I still thought it was a bad idea, but, again, didn’t want to disappoint my friends. Soon we were walking towards the gate on the old, abandoned-looking curve [what is this? A curved what?], and at the sides were unlit candles which increased my trepidation.
The gate was closed. There was nothing to grab onto to climb over it. The only way we could go was through the graveyard. My friend, Sean, was shivering with fear. I could see gooseflesh on his hand, which gave me a clue that I wasn’t the one feeling scared. [he could have been shivering with cold, yes? What other clues were there that he was fearful rather than cold?]
We found a spot where we could set up our tent. It was beside a cremate [what is this? Something burnt?] where it had the only dry area for our camping site. While we set up the tent I showed my Ouija board to my friends. They found it really interesting as they had read stories about it online.
The disaster started when my torch stopped working.”
Well, done, a nice start! Sometimes your sentences are a little complex. You also have a tendency to use the same word several times, e.g. “fear”. If you use “fearful” once, try using “scared” the next time.
Comment by HappyChip — August 24, 2011 @ 11:34 am